


My Shiro

by LordessScribes



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Reunion Fic, also shiro is a mess in this i stg, he's all rugged n tough now guys, im such a sap for those lmaoo, let him show weakness for a change dammit, nb pronouns for pidge, rebellion leader Matt Holt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 12:18:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9440108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordessScribes/pseuds/LordessScribes
Summary: it's been a little over two years since Shiro and Matt were separated. What are the odds that he picks up a stray signal requesting air support during a critical battle in the rebellion? I dunno but it happens here. Yeah this gets really sappy im not sorry





	

**Author's Note:**

> LET! SHIRO! SHOW! WEAKNESS! 2K17!!!

    The ground shakes beneath the foot soldiers, the sky is ablaze with the ships from above. The massive battle fleet soars above them while they rapidly attempt to build their canons and take out the biggest ship. Its ion canon mows down the first line of defense and their shots aren’t doing much to stop it.

    “Where the hell is our air support?!” The commander screams into his communications device. “We’re getting slaughtered out here! Move it!” he doesn’t wait for an answer before diving forward to tackle a young soldier to the ground, an energy blast landing where she’d been standing just before.

    This planet would be the deciding point in winning over this star system. They can do it. He knows they can. He’s running from station to station at top speed, brown coat smoldering at the ends from enemy fire, but they’ve not shot him yet. They won’t shoot him today at all, even.

    This planet will be the deciding point in winning this star system.

    Control doesn't receive his message. 

    He launches himself, knees first, onto a galran drone, taking out its systems and ripping its gun away. He shoots madly at the advancing army, then throws it behind him to the soldier from before.

    “Keep shooting! Don’t let them take this ground, got it?” she nods and he’s dashed off again.

    He rolls to a stop in a trench of sorts where a standing canon has yet to be operational.

    “What’s going on here?” he wipes the dust from his goggles without missing a beat.

    “Sir, the sniper canon is inoperational.” The bat-like soldier says.

    “Move, I’ll fix it. You contact control and tell them to get us some goddamned air support.” He crouches down to begin inspecting the technology.

    “Yes sir.” The central combustors that power the shots seems to be clogged. The commander raps his hand on the side twice, hard. The sound of sand and a few pebbles being dislodged is lost in the chaos of everything else. Despite that, it still glows green and powers to life.

    “This is ground force two, requesting air support immediately. I repeat, ground force two request-“

    “HURRY UP, YOU USELESS SLUGS AND GET HERE ALREADY!!!” he snatches it away from them and shouts, shoving the soldier towards the now-functional gun.

    “Oh for quiznak’s sake, we’re going as fast as we can!” the voice that answers his comm is one he’s never heard before. It’s accented, male, and very annoyed.

    “Who is this?!”

    “Coran from the Altean Castle of lions, coming in for your requested air support.”

    “Coran from th- What?!”

    “We aren’t close, we’ll need a wormhole to get there, just sit tight.” Then the link cuts out, reverting to static.

    “What?! Hello? Fuck! Control, who the hell was that?! How’d they get into this link? Hello?! Control?!” with no response, he furiously flings the communicator onto the ground.

    The bat soldier glances down for only a second before they’re back to taking out the approaching soldiers. They’re holding the ground, but just barely.

    A huge metallic ringing splits the air as the ion canon scores another sweeping path through the ground.

    “We can’t take out that ion canon without air support, sir.” A new soldier had just fallen back into their trench, this one a noodley-looking thing with many arms. The commander makes a mental note to learn their names if they survived.

    “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.” he uses his personal blaster to target a few drones then ducks back down while a collection of return fire hits the dirt behind him.

    “Do you think air support got held up? Or perhaps it was taken out before it could reach us?”

    “It’s crossed my mind, yeah.”

    “Are we going to die, sir?”

    “Not yet. Control’s only an hour away, tops. All we gotta do is hold this ground until they can get to us. There are other ports behind and in front of us, keeping that army contained.”

    “But what about us, sir?”

    “Just keep fighting and stop asking questions!” He can’t lie to this soldier. He’s not sure if they’ll survive this battle. But they won’t lose it. The rebels are too stubborn for that.

    Then the communicator crackles again. “…you…there still?...llo? We’re locking on…oordinates now to…..air support!”

    The commander sweeps it back into his hands. “Hello? Control? Yes, we’re still here! The Galran warship has an ion canon we can’t do anything about, if you can take that out we’ll stand a chance!”

    “Copy that!” it’s a band new voice this time, a female one, unmistakable. “Voltron, take out the warship and whatever fighters you can, we’ll lay down minimal fire with the castle’s defenses so not to injure the rebels down there. You on the ground, can you take out any remaining drones?”

    “I? Yes! We can!”

    “Alright, get to it, then!”

    Who the hell is this woman, giving orders to him without any idea who they are? Whatever, he can’t think about that now.

    “You hear that, soldier? Our air support is here!”

    A massive whoosh sounds over their heads, and they look up in time to see the ship descend from the sky, just as promised. It’s massive and hard to look at with the two suns reflecting off its white body. From it, five ships are ejected and fly out.

    “…no… it can’t be!” the bat soldier has stopped firing, in favor of staring at the five ships.

    “What? What is it?” the commander demands.

    “It’s… Voltron! Hahaha! It’s Voltron! It’s here! It’s real! We’re saved! Hahahaha!” they are laughing and cheering, ecstatically waving their arms (er, wings) in the air.

    “The hell is…?” he turns back to watch the ships while they approach, and his vision focuses after a delayed moment. They aren’t ships, they’re animals. Well, robot-animal-ships. Cats of some sort, maybe? They fly separately from each other, shooting down the flying drones with ease

    The commander can just stare at their precision for a moment, before blinking himself back to reality.

    “Alright! This Voltron is our air support now! Let’s take out the ground forces and end this!” He takes control of the standing canon himself while the bat and noodle take up their handheld firearms.

    The ion canon prepares to fire again, when one of the biggest lions smashes itself headfirst into it, severing it in one blow. Two more then clamp their jaws down on the side engines and pull it apart. The ripping metal hurts their ears but they don’t stop shooting.

    The other trenches beside them seem to have caught on to what’s happening and are returning fire with a vengeance. The enemy troops begin to dwindle. Large blue blasts from the ship in the sky get rid of the largest clusters.

    The commander feels his heart soar with the approach of victory. He faintly wishes that his father and sister could see this.

     

     

     

     

    The signal had found them some how, they weren’t entirely sure specifically. They’d just flashed across the screen and started playing a huge clusterfuck of codes and sounds. Allura kept saying the Green lion was directing the signal to them, but she couldn’t tell them why or how.

    Shiro leans over Pidge’s shoulder while they decode the messages. Shifting through the scrambling, which would prevent it being intercepted, when they finally manage to get through to hear it clearly.

    “Where the hell is our air support?! We’re getting slaughtered out here, move it!” It’s not a galran transmission. The voice is distinct, and human, based on the light swearing. Rumblings and explosions are prominent in the background.

    “It’s a freedom fighter!” Pidge says, astonished.

    “Or a rebel group!” Lance insists.

    “Great job, Pidge!” Shiro pats their back.

    “Coran, try to establish a connection so we can respond, Pidge, see if you can find those coordinates.” Allura is in action, pointing and directing the team with a wave of her arm. “The rest of you go ahead and get to your stations so you can be in your lions quickly.”

    They nod and hurry over to their seats.

    “Princess, this link is incredibly secure, I’m not sure I can get through to it-“ Coran turns to her.

    “Pidge can you-“

    “Yeah, I’m on it!” they dash up and their fingers fly over the hovering screens while they bully their way into the system. It only takes them a few ticks before they’re in. “Ok, you’ve got clearance!”

    “This is ground force two, requesting air support immediately. I repeat, ground force two request-“ a different voice sounds over the link, before being interrupted by the first. “HURRY UP, YOU USELESS SLUGS AND GET HERE ALREADY!!!”

    “Oh for quiznak’s sake, we’re going as fast as we can!” Coran bites back, irritated.

    “Coran, they’re in the middle of a battle, you can’t be a little politer?” Lance chuckles at his loss of temper.

    “Who is this?!” the link demands.

    “Coran from the Altean Castle of lions, coming in for your requested air support.”

    “Coran from th- What?!”

    “I’ve found their coordinates!” Pidge tosses them up onto a larger screen for Allura to find.

    “We aren’t close, we’ll need a wormhole to get there, just sit tight.” Coran assures the link.

    “Opening wormhole.” The link cuts out while the ripple of space appears before them, the group flying into it without hesitation. The star system they enter in is alive with satellites and ships of all sorts. They can see a collection of galran ships retreating, but their focus is on the planet’s surface.

    “Are you still there? Hello? We’re locking onto your exact coordinates now to provide you air support!” Coran calls through.

    “Hello? Control? Yes, we’re still here! The Galran warship has an ion canon we can’t do anything about, if you can take that out we’ll stand a chance!” the link replies, excited now.

    “Copy that!” Allura answers this time. “Voltron, take out the warship and whatever fighters you can, we’ll lay down minimal fire with the castle’s defenses so not to injure the rebels down there. You on the ground, can you take out any remaining drones?”

    “I? Yes! We can!”

    “Alright, get to it, then!” Allura prepares to enter the planet’s atmosphere. “Voltron, to you lions!” the paladins are already sliding down their passages to get obey.

    Shiro lands in Black, faintly hearing her purr to him, a greeting, ‘welcome back’, before he’s taken the controls and they’re out of the castle.

    The battle looks almost tame from way up there. Just a few warships in different directions, the ground soldiers that the castle is steadily taking care of, and the flying drones.

    “Alright! Keith, Lance, start taking out those air drones! Pidge, get to the ship and stop it from dispatching any more. Hunk, you take out the ion canon! Let’s go!” Shiro calls out, reading and interpreting the situation with trained ease.

    The paladins reply with a synchronized “Yes, sir!” and they’re off. Blue and Red look to be dancing as they leap from point to point in midair to bite down on and shoot away the drones. Green blasts the exit port on the ship, and the whole thing explodes with vines. Yellow rams the ion canon at full speed, knocking it in two.

    Just like he trained them.

    Shiro pushes Black to take out a few drones as well before he gives the next orders.

    “Alright, now let’s take out this ship! Hunk, you and Lance grab it from the right, Pidge, grab it from the left with me, Keith, use your jawblade to cut through the middle, so it breaks easier.” He guides the controls as he speaks. 

    He feels Black clamp her jaws onto the metal, then dig her claws into it for good measure. Beside him, Green follows suit.

    Below them, Red tears through the lower hull with her blade. Shiro presses down on a knob and pulls the levers back.

    With a mighty screech, the metal gives way, ripping apart in two equal halves. The following explosions are a direct cause of the systems melting down.

    It crashes into the dirt and Black flies away, to hover beside the castle and the rest of the lions. They watch from the sky as the rebels all pour out of their cover trenches to manually take out the remaining foot soldiers. The sheer number of rebels had been kind of hard to see before, but there really are a lot of them, fighting for their homes. 

    It’s amazing.

    “Alright, team Voltron. Let’s land and meet our new allies, then help with the casualties.” Shiro says, voice warm with pride. 

    “Copy that!” Pidge says.

     

     

    The commander pulls off his helmet, grinning ear to ear, while the rebels run about, cheering and waving down the five colored lions. Some seem completely oblivious as to who the Voltron group is, like him. Others, however, are no less than treating them like legitimate deities. Several are raising their limbs in praise, while others are sobbing with joy.

    He’s not sure what it means, but begins to push his way through anyway.

    The black lion is the first one to land, its jaw opening and an armored figure stepping out into the waiting crowd of admirers.

    Crowd is an overstatement, actually. It’s roughly two dozen soldiers who approach him. The rest are reporting back to base and assisting with cleanup. He should be with them, carrying back the dead, but as commander, this robot cat thing seems a bit more urgent. 

    After some consideration, the green and yellow lions begin to land closer to the trenches. The figures that step out are crouching down to assist with the injured. They check for deceased and immobile soldiers, then begin directing the crowd to bring them into their lions.

    It’s… surprisingly sweet. They could just stand and let the hero worship happen, (which is what the blue armored person seems to be doing) but instead they’re already preparing to carry soldiers to safety.

    The commander scratches his head, staring at the scene around him. He’s still flying high (metaphorically speaking) from the victory, and now he can’t help but admire these voltrons. He hadn’t pegged them for true soldiers until they’d actually landed. He couldn't wait to tell this story back at base. He wishes he could get a message to his father and sister, too. This kind of story is so bizzare and strange, they'd love to hear it. 

    He needs to speak to the lion pilots, immediately. He starts marching to where the black armored Voltron is standing with their back to him. He pauses to wipe the dust from his goggles again and see clearer, just a few yards away.

    “It’s alright, really, we managed to catch a transmission from someone requesting air support. I’m glad we got here in time. Oh- uhh, there’s no need for you to bow, uhh?”

    The commander's head jerks upright at their voice. That voice that's so familiar, he would  _never_ mistake it ever. The name is past his lips before his brain can even catch up. 

     

     

     

    “Shiro?” the black paladin turns around at the sound of his name, instinctively, eyebrows furrowed. Someone knew him?

    The soldier’s hair is darkened by dirt, as is the rest of his outfit. Grubby goggles are on his face, and his helmet is tucked under one arm. His hair juts out at all angles from it. He’s also human.

    “Yes? Who are you?” Shiro raises an eyebrow and the soldier just stares. With shaking arms, he drops the helmet and pulls off his goggles entirely so a patch of clean skin is visible around his eyes. His eyes…

    His eyes are golden.

    His eyes are Pidge’s.

    Matt.

    The world stops.

    No way. 

    Shiro mirrors Matt’s look of disbelief. Matt is there. Matt’s alive! _He’s alive!_ It was his voice over the communications link! He’d found them!

    “…Matt?”

    The world had stopped, but at all at once, it starts again, and he’s running for the filthy soldier, who’s running for him.

    Shiro throws off his helmet just before they collide, and he really doesn’t care if the world is moving anymore, or how much dirt and blood is smearing on his armor. Matt is swept off the ground in one motion, having practically jumped up to meet him. Shiro’s laughing. Matt’s crying. Everything is glowing and warm. He can’t stop hugging him.

    “Matt! Matt, you’re alive! You’re here! Oh my god! Matt! Hahaha!”

    “Shiro! Shiro! It’s you! It’s you! Oh my god! You’re here! Oh my god!” somehow they’d collapsed onto the ground. They don’t care.

    Shiro pulls back to look at his face. He needs to see his face. Covered in dirt and soot and god-knows-what-else. He’s beautiful. He’s beaming and there are tear tracks on his cheeks and he’s _here._  

    “I can’t believe you’re here! We’ve been trying to hack the prison systems for months to find out where you’d gone or if you were alive but we can’t get past the servers, but you escaped! You got out! You’re alive! I don’t know how, but it doesn’t matter, you’re here now! Oh my god!” Matt’s babbling, unable to stop smiling. Shiro isn't much better off. 

    “I went back to earth, I found Voltron! We’ve been fighting the galra for months looking for you! I only found out a few weeks ago that you’d escaped! Pidge is-“ Shiro cuts himself off abruptly. “Shit! Pidge!”

    “What? Who?” he doesn’t answer and instead snatches up his helmet, speaking into it instead of putting it on.

    “Pidge! You’ve gotta get down here immediately!” he can’t keep the smile out of his voice, but whoever responds somehow can’t tell.

    “What? I’m helping the hurt-“

    “Get Keith to do it! You’ve gotta get here right now! Trust me!” Shiro can’t smother his giddy laugh.

    “What’s going on? What’s funny?”

    “Just get here!”

    “Who’s that? Who are you calling?” Matt doesn’t stop smiling himself while Shiro stands up and pulls him to his feet. There are massive dark smudges on his white armor but he doesn’t care. 

    “You’ll see!” Shiro starts to wipe away the dirt on Matt’s face (not very successfully) despite his confused protests. “God, Matt. I can’t believe you’re here!”

    “What’s going on, Shiro?” he brushes off his hair, and a cloud of dirt and dust puffs out, sending Matt into a coughing fit. 

    “Sorry, sorry. I just want them to see you better!”

    “Who?”

    “Just wait!” He laughs again.

    A rushing of air then fills the space beside them, sending the watching soldiers ducking out of the way as a silver pod the size of a car lands a few yards to their left. 

    “Shiro, this better be good! I was busy _trying_ to be _useful_ and-“ Pidge abruptly cuts off, eyes widening comically at the person Shiro’s presenting.

    “Matt?” they stumble the rest of the way out of the pod on wobbly legs, pulling off their helmet as well. Matt’s eyebrows scrunch up, confused.

    “What the… who are…? You look just like m…. Like….” The gears in his brain are audible, then his eyes balloon as well, the answer written across his features.

    “Katie?!” Solid astonishment, then pure joy, cuts through the remaining dirt on his face. Then he’s running to meet Pidge halfway.

    So much for making the tear tracks less prominent, Shiro thinks. They’ve both collapsed to the ground right away (making much less of a show, since it lacked a cheesy picking up and spinning beforehand). Pidge is clinging and sobbing, unable to form any coherent words other than, “oh my god…” Allura is going to kill them for getting both their uniforms all stained. 

    “Katie, wh-what are you doing here? Why are you all the way out here? How’d you possibly get swept up in all this? Oh my god…”

    “I-I-I’ve been… trying t-to find you and dad! You disappeared and th-the garrison told us you crashed and died! I knew they were lying! I found you! Oh my god!” Tears renewed, Matt pets their hair and holds them closer. They’re both shaking.

    “Hey, shhh, it’s ok! I’m here now! I’m alright! Shhh.”

    “Shiro? What’s going on over here? Is Pidge-“

    “Lance shut up!” Keith nudges him in the side. They’d walked in on the scene without Shiro noticing.

    The black paladin quickly steps between the siblings and the other paladins.

    “Go on and help collect the injured soldiers. See if we’ve got enough healing pods at the castle then help Coran treat the rest manually.” He says quickly, trying to let them have their moment. He doesn’t notice how quickly he falls back into his ‘leader voice’ or that Matt looks up at him from behind.

    “Who’s that?” Lance whispers this time, leaning around Shiro.

    “Is that Matt? Pidge’s brother?” Keith yanks Lance’s arm back harshly.

    “Yes.”

    “Woah! Nice!” Lance grins.

    “Just go! Give Pidge some privacy!”

    “You got it, boss. Not that they’ve ever given us any, but whatever.”

    “Go!”

    They hurry away to go join Hunk in rounding up patients. Shiro waits until their lions have taken off before approaching the Holts again.

    “Have you any idea where dad is?”

    “I haven’t heard from him since he was sent to a work camp, months ago. He was alright then, and we’ve been tracking a few and preparing to launch raids there. But those prisons are secondary priorities after reclaiming galaxies.”

    “I’m so glad you’re alive…”

    Shiro feels Matt’s hand find his and he glances down. He’s smiling up at him, still holding the clinging Pidge slightly in his lap.

    “Who told you you could bring my sister into space? To fight with giant robot cats?” he’s not serious, Shiro can tell.

    “You’re welcome for keeping them alive.” He squeezes his hand once, which Matt returns.

    “…thank you.”

     

     

     __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

     

     

    It’s very different for Matt to be with them, to say the least.

    Before he would return to the castle, he insisted that the paladins all meet the other leaders. While they caught up on who did what in which battles, Matt snuck away to clean up. Once he was returned to recognizable, Pidge resumed koala-ing his arm and torso. The two siblings catching up turned out to something very worth witnessing.

    “What in the world did you do to your hair?”

    “I cut it so I could sneak into the garrison.”

    “WhaT!? Why did you have to sneak in?!”

    “Oh, I kinda got banned after hacking into their systems to look for you.”

    “…So you just cut your hair and waltzed right back in?”

    “No! No, I disguised myself as a boy and joined their future space explorers program.”

    “You… disguised yourself… what?!”

    “Well they have that rule against trans people so I pretended to be a boy. It wasn’t so bad. I actually prefer the name Pidge, now.”

    “Ok? But why did you cut your hair? It’s so short and choppy now!”

    “Like you have room to talk, it’s basically how yours used to be.”

    “Exactly! And that was short and choppy and ridiculous!”

    “Oh gimmie a break. You grew a freakin’ rattail so I don’t wanna hear it!”

    “Hey the rattail is cool.”

    “Yeah, sure. Keep telling yourself that.”

    “Shiro! Tell them the rattail is cool!”

    “It looks fine to me.” Actually, the rattail is just one of several changes in Matt that Shiro can’t stop staring at. The brown jacket, for example, looks so incredibly reminiscent of Malcolm Reynold’s from Firefly (a show he distinctly remembered Matt being a massive fan of), that there’s no way Matt didn’t take that into consideration when he planned out his rebel-leader-aesthetic. Additionally, Matt is considerably bigger than when Shiro had last seen him. An inch or two taller and his shoulders a bit broader, Shiro had thought it was just the jacket before, but no. Fighting a space war seemed to have brought him to a better physical peak than the garrison. 

    Also, he no longer needs his glasses. When Pidge had tried to return his glasses he’s insisted they keep them. The goggles he’d been wearing before are apparently prescription and he prefers them after so long, or so he insists. He seems to spend most of the time with them on the top of his head but Shiro's not complaining. 

    Matt has also become remarkably more confident and strong. Granted, one would expect to be so after fighting an interstellar war for nearly a year, but somehow Shiro had never expected Matt Holt to make such a dramatic change.

    But… despite all of that, it’s still Matt. He still cracks jokes and has that warm smile and ruffles Pidge’s hair and speaks to frightened soldiers with a calm, steady voice and is overconfident in his technical abilities, resulting in him looking so arrogant and silly. He still makes Shiro melt inside. He is so proud of the change, honestly.

    Something is different, though. Matt seems to be avoiding talking to Shiro alone whenever he can and looks confused whenever he watches Shiro command his team. And he especially avoids talk about before Kerberos.

    Shiro hadn’t had a chance to catch up with Matt though, much to his disappointment, so he can’t confirm or deny any of his theories. He’s been busy policing the other paladins as well as conversing with the other rebel leaders about how Voltron will work as an ally now.

    The rebellion actually has a pretty brilliant plan for their fight, too. Essentially, they have a small group going around and collecting un-conquered allies, who would then return to help them decide on which galaxy they would liberate next. They would hit the smaller planets first just to stake a base, then move from planet to planet, fighting and chasing off the galran forces.

    They’d liberated four galaxies in this star system already. Voltron would make it five after this last planet.

    After discussing it with Allura, they’d decided that Voltron should join their rebellion for a while. The basic concept is that, since their ship can generate wormholes and get around the universe infinitely faster, they would work as recruiters normally, and air support when requested. Voltron alone is already as strong as the entire rebel army, so they can go around and single out planets that would be powerful allies.

    Allura didn’t like the idea of picking out who they save like that at first, but after speaking with her about understanding war tactics and explaining that they would eventually save everyone anyway, she agreed to the plan.  

    As for Matt, well, he was dubbed their official Rebel Communications Officer. After finding Pidge and Shiro, he’d basically bullied his way into the meeting and said he was going to go with them and that the other leaders had a choice, either lose a great leader and soldier, or benefit from him being out in space with Voltron.

    Pidge was ecstatic about getting to show him the castle. He’d picked up remarkably quick on how it operated and even asked Allura for a program to learn Altean right away. She seemed very eager to help him learn it, even. Shiro had noticed Matt giving him strange looks a few times, but he’d been preoccupied with preparing their mission to address it.

    And then they were off, heading to their first planet to liberate/recruit. Coran suggested they not use a wormhole so they would have a week to prepare and train for it, which everybody else, of course, groaned but eventually agreed to.

    The first night with Matt on the ship, they all decided should be game night and get-to-know-the-family night. Hanging out in the lounge until late into the (artificial, but really the castle tried its best to keep them on a sleep schedule) night, piled up on the huge couch, they went from Altean board game to earth children’s game. Everyone is still eager to talk to Matt and learn about the rebellion. Well, all except Lance who just kept badgering him for blackmail material about Pidge. After Keith starts to drift off to sleep on Hunk’s shoulder, however, Shiro stands up.

    “Alright, that’s enough bothering Pidge’s brother, he’ll be here tomorrow. Off to bed. You’ve got training first thing.” Shiro stretches while Lance, Hunk, and Keith all grumble and head out, deciding to not argue with him in front of the new person. Slightly tired, he almost doesn’t notice Pidge not moving at all. “You too.” He pokes them with his foot before sitting back down.

    “Awww come on Shiro, just a little longer!” they cling tighter to Matt’s arm and he gives them an amused look that they ignore.

    “Nope. You’re the most unpleasant after Keith when tired. Go on.”

    “What about you?” pouting comically, they fold their arms and stand up.

    “I’m an adult. I can stay up late. When you’re an adult you can too.”

    “Ughhh. But daaaaad!” they wail, using the nickname Lance had picked up for Shiro to get under his skin. Matt snorts.

    “No buts. Shoo shoo.”

    “Grr. Fine. But I’m getting you back on the training deck tomorrow!”

    “I’m terrified.”

    Matt chuckles again at his sarcasm then leans forward to give his sibling one more hug before they leave behind the rest of the paladins.

    There’s a very rare moment of peace in which Matt takes out his hologram tablet and opens the language program.

    “You’re not going to bed yet?” Shiro turns to him.

    “Mm, nah. Space jetlag. Gonna go ahead and be productive.” Matt doesn’t look at him when he answers.

    “Are you alright?”

    “Yeah, fine.” His eyes dart to Shiro’s face and back but he still doesn’t offer any other reassurances.

    “Hey, Matt, if there’s anything wrong you can tell me, ok?” Shiro touches his arm and this time he gets a reaction in Matt flinching back. He looks… distrustful and hurt. Shiro pulls his hand away, shocked. Matt seems to realize this and looks away again guiltily. He gnaws his lip and taps on the hologram. “Matt? What’s wrong? Is it something I did?”

    “No. I mean- I’m just… adjusting. I’ll be fine.” He leans away slightly, looking nervous. Shiro might have backed off, if his tone and expression weren’t so familiar. It makes his chest ache.

    “Is this about… us from before Kerberos?”

    “…yes. Kinda.” He closes the program so he can sit with his knees pulled up to his chest. It’s just like how Pidge sits when tired or sad. “I’m just being dumb and hypocritical, ok? I need to get over myself. That’s all.”

    “What do you mean? Matt?” Shiro leans forward, looking worried. “Please talk to me.”

    Matt gives him a very pained smile. “You’ve really changed so much.” Then looks away, chewing his lip. “It’s just weird for me. And yeah, I get that I’ve definitely changed a lot too, but I- I’m just… not sure if you’re the Shiro I remember. You used to be so compassionate and sweet and caring and soft and so frikin’ dorky-“ he laughs bitterly. “But now you’re all tough and smart and a really strong leader, hell, you’re like a dad to all these kids I’m just… I need to get used to it…” Matt trails off. "It's not a big deal, i just need to get over it." 

    Shiro tries not to let it show, but the words really, really sting. He’s right. Shiro could never relate to who he used to be before Kerberos. One can’t just go back on trauma like that. He wants to scream that it’s not his fault but… he can’t. Matt’s changed too, and he knows he’s being unfair. Shiro just leans away, trying to hide his sore chest. “I understand.”

    Matt glances at him, looking stung at Shiro’s reasonable tone. God, there he goes again! Being reasonable and letting his own feelings take a backseat to what seems like the right thing. _That’s_ what Matt can’t stand to see. That stupid selflessness.

    “When I first found you, I didn’t notice it but… now I’m not sure.” Matt swallows. “Are you still my Shiro, or not?”

    It feels like a stab to Shiro’s gut. He wants nothing more than to say ‘Yes! Yes it’s me!’ but he can’t. He keeps quiet instead.

    Matt uncurls his body from a ball and scoots closer, figuring that there’s no point in being distant anymore now that he’d explained. He leans around and looks at Shiro’s face. He’s trying to keep himself from looking hurt, from showing emotion at all. That’s not his Shiro.

    Matt gently reaches out and traces a finger along the scar across his face. There’s a divot in his nose where it’d been slashed out and it’s just barely longer on the right side. Matt pauses before moving to the white streak in his hair. It’s the same texture as the rest of his hair, still the same style he remembered it, that silly undercut that drove him crazy.

    Shiro clenches his jaw and raises his right arm to… well he’s not sure, maybe hold his hand or push it away. Something. He doesn’t have to decide that, though, because Matt suddenly gasps and holds it up to look at, shattering the moment.

    Shit. God. Crap, Matt hadn’t seen his prosthetic yet. His paladin armor hides his arm entirely and Shiro hadn’t thought to cover it. Shit.

    Matt’s shaking, staring at the metal with the hand not holding it clamped over his mouth. Their conversation is forgotten in an instant.

    “Matt, listen it’s-“

    “Oh my god… Shiro why didn’t you-oh my god.” His eyes dart back to Shiro’s face. “And your nose and- this… this from the gladiator fights, isn’t it?” his voice is thick with horror.

    “You have to understand; I did what I had to stay alive.”

    “I… I did this…” he lets Shiro go, sitting away and drawing his knees up again, hands clenching at his coat.

    Oh god, no. Shiro’s defenses start to crumble. “No. Matt. No!”

    “I did this. It’s my fault.”

    “Matt!” he can’t possibly blame himself for this.

    “I couldn’t fight for myself and you- you lost your arm and-“

    “Matt don’t!”

    “And I’ve been whining all about myself- god, I’m so stupid!” he’s completely closed off, arms over his head shaking violently. Shiro can’t do anything but watch and listen to him mutter “stupid… selfish… idiot… weak…” All signs of the confident rebel leader have completely vanished, leaving behind the same broken, terrified prisoner from before.

    Shiro can't stand it. 

    “Matt! Look at me!” he does, and flinches back when he sees how close Shiro’s leaned in, arms on either of his shoulders, kneeling in front of the couch. “Don’t. Please, don’t _ever_ blame yourself for what happened in the arena, ok? I made my choice. I chose to protect us both. Do you understand? Are you listening to me? If you’d fought you would have died. And then so would I.” He doesn’t break eye contact, desperately trying to make him understand.

    “But I-“

    “No! Listen to me! I wouldn’t have won after you died!” Shiro can’t think, can’t breathe. He’s probably crying but that doesn’t matter. “I wouldn’t have had the strength to win if you’d died.” Nothing but this matters. He’d hated himself so much for hurting Matt before the fights, constantly tried to insist that there should have been another way. All of them convinced him that the alternative was losing Matt.

    “I could have fought… forever to protect you…. But I could never win to avenge you.” Shiro lets Matt go, instead holding his own head. Everything he’d been keeping bottled up seems like it’s gone now, let out in his shaking shoulders and pathetic sniffles, crashing down on him in the middle of the paladin’s lounge late at night. “I couldn’t have done a thing if I’d lost you.”

    He hears Matt slide off the couch, but somehow doesn’t register his approach until his hands are pulled away from his face, replaced instead by Matt’s lips.

    Shiro stiffens, eyes flying open. Matt’s already leaning away before he can return the kiss.

    He’s still inches away, having knelt down to meet him on the floor. Matt’s fingers link with his, and he smiles, lip trembling and eyes misting. “My Shiro…!” his voice breaks.

    Shiro blinks and realizes a tick behind what he means. Matt unlinks his left hand with Shiro’s so he can brush a strand of white hair off his nose then traces the tips of his fingers down his cheek. Shiro sighs and his eyelids flutter closed before he closes the distance again.

    Matt really tries to let it be a soft kiss, but months apart really make a difference. He exhales through his nose and pulls Shiro closer by his neck, tilting his head to better align their lips. Shiro’s right hand squeezes Matt’s tighter, while his left finds his shoulder, brushing over the thin braid there.

    Shiro hadn’t noticed how much tension there was in his shoulders until it melts away. Matt smells like pine trees and smoke and some kind of metal he can’t place. His hair is soft and short at his neck and his lips are soft, a contrast to Shiro’s own chapped lips. Shiro touches the strap of his goggles, hand running up and down the back of his head, tangling in his hair.

    Matt brushes away the remaining moisture on his cheek and moans softly when Shiro lets his tongue trace his bottom lip. God, he missed this. Missed Matt.

    Shiro isn’t sure how long they sit there, making out on the floor of the lounge, just that when they do eventually pull apart, it feels like months of carrying something on his back has just been wiped away.

    Matt’s cheeks are dusted red and his breath is warm on Shiro’s nose. He takes a moment longer than Shiro to open his eyes. When he does, Matt looks completely star struck. He blinks and waits for Shiro to comment.

    On one hand, he could say something sweet in response to Matt’s earlier ‘my Shiro’ revelation, or flirty to turn the tables on him, but their relationship was never that corny. So he instead settles for, “So, what finally convinced you?”

    “You stopped pretending you had to be perfect.” He’s tracing absentmindedly over Shiro’s scar again. The feather light touches make him sleepy and he closes his eyes again, leaning into them.

    “What d’you mean?”

    “I mean… you lead a group of teenagers fighting to save the world, so you have to be a role model for them. You might not have noticed it, but you really shove aside a lot of your own issues in favor of that. Well, I’m not one of your paladins, or some alien royalty. You don’t have to be so selfless. I’m just me… you don’t have to put on a show for me.” he tilts his head forward to rest on Shiro’s. “I’m just Matt, ok?”

    “My Matt.” Shiro smiles and pulls him into his chest.

    “My Shiro.”  Matt nuzzles his neck back in return. His Shiro. 

     

     

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________     

 

 

     

    “Should we wake him up?”

    “I dunno, depends on how you wanna do it.”

    “What d’you mean?”

    “Well, do we wanna pretend we just walked in on the scene or just skip straight to mocking him? He’ll be mortified either way.” Someone cackles.

    “Or, alternatively, we could leave and pretend we saw nothing.”  

    “Don’t be so nice, Hunk. When will we get another chance to mess with Shiro like this?”

    “Or Matt.”

    “Or him.”

    Matt peels open one eye, having attempted to ignore the trio for a few more minutes of sleep to no avail. They'd fallen asleep on the couch of the lounge at some point. Shiro’s still unconscious, his head pillowed on Matt’s chest and his body between his legs. It’s pretty warm beneath him, but not exactly peaceful with the three chattering teenagers. They’d tried to whisper but Matt’s a light sleeper as is.

    “Guys.” Hunk’s noticed him watching. Nobody else has.

    “What if we walked out and walked back in, yellin’ about a good night’s sleep, then went right to messing with him?” Lance suggests.

    “Guys.”

    “Alternatively, we could just start making obscene noises and let him just wake right up to ridicule.”

    “Or you could walk away,” Matt deadpans with his eyes closed again, startling Pidge and Lance out of their scheming. “And respect this grumpy, jet-lagged, rebellion leader who could break you both with trained ease.”  

    “Sorry, bro. No can do. This opportunity comes around once in a lifetime.” Pidge shrugs.

    “Mm, not if I’m lucky.”

    “Matt!” He snickers, jostling Shiro awake.

    “Mm? Matt? Wh’time’sit?” He weakly rubs his eyes with one hand, blinking in the light.

    “Oh, just a little after eight! I’m surprised you aren’t already on the training deck, to be honest!” Pidge says loudly, leaning forward with the biggest shit-eating grin Matt’s ever seen on anyone other than himself.

    “Yeah, Shiro. You’re usually up at the crack of space dawn. Wonder why you slept in so much today.” Lance jumps on board, his arm around Pidge’s shoulders.

    Shiro blinks for a few ticks, still slightly asleep, before realization/embarrassment sets in and wakes him the rest of the way up. His goes hilariously red. 

    “You guys are dicks.” Matt mutters.

    “This isn’t what it- I can explain- I-“ he can’t finish a thought because they’ve both lost their sanity, laughing so hard they need to lean on the other to stay standing. Even Hunk chuckles behind his hand.

    Matt might have laughed too, if Shiro didn’t look so distraught and adorable. He tries to sit up to stand, but Matt pulls him back onto his chest.

    “Nope, it’s cold and I’m still tired.”

    “Matt, c-c’mon I gotta-“

    “It can’t get any worse. Just let them laugh and it won’t be funny anymore.”

    “Hahaha, no… it’ll still be funn-nneyyhahaha.” Lance butts in, wiping the corner of his eye.

    With a groan of humiliation, Shiro lays back down, burying his face in Matt’s neck to avoid looking at their audience (and to hide his hilariously precious expression, which makes them laugh harder).

    Matt waits a minute longer, letting them have their fun before their hysterics become irritating and he snaps. “Ok, anyone left in this lounge when I open my eyes again is getting to spar me in training later.” their noise mostly dies down. 

    “You really think we’re gonna take a threat from you seriously?”

    “Do you wanna take that chance? I wasn’t put in charge of the ground forces for nothing, Pidge.”

    There’s a silence while they consider it, before Lance and Hunk decide it’s not worth the risk. They shuffle out, awkwardly mentioning breakfast and Pidge stomps out behind them, feeling peer-pressured.

    There’s a moment of peace with their absence before Shiro grumbles into his shoulder, voice muffled childishly.

    “I’m going to throw myself out the airlock.”

    “Aww, don’t do that, babe. Then they’ll feel bad for being so mean.”

    “Yes? And?”

    “Pfft.” Matt runs a hand through Shiro’s hair, feeling him sigh against his neck. “Don’t worry, I’ll kick their asses in training later to defend your honor.”

    “Huh. I thought you were bluffing there.”

    “Wow, I see you have an abundance of faith in me.”

    “But what makes you think I can’t defend my own honor?”

    “You’d hold back. Wouldn’t wanna risk hurtin’ your kids, now would you?”

    “Oh shut up. Like you wouldn’t curb your hits on Pidge.”  

    “Quite the contrary, beating my sibling in a duel would be infinitely more worth it.”

    “I’m flattered.”

    “I know, I’m such a romantic.”

    “Go back to sleep so I have an excuse to not be awake.”

    Matt laughs and kisses the top of his head. “Ok, sweetie.” 


End file.
